Pushing through

This is Troy again. Just a word or two about the weight on our shoulders.

Sometimes, when things get really tough, you have to just put your head down and push right through it. I remember the end of every semester in college, when term papers were due, projects were wrapping up, Final Exams were looming… you just cut out all the extraneous stuff and concentrated on the basics. For a week or so I wouldn’t socialize, wouldn’t take on any new responsibilities… just study, write, eat, sleep… study, write, eat, sleep. Those times were cathartic. Intimadating, impossibly hard, stressful… but I would always get through it, usually with good grades to boot. First came relief when it was over. Then pride and contentment would swell as I realized I had actually accomplished something. I had done what many others had not. I had met a real challenge head on, just me and my wits… and I had persevered, better for the effort.

I have encountered a few situations like that in my professional life since college. In the software industry, things are great when they’re great, but when they go bad… ouch. No software is perfect or bulletproof, and mistakes happen. And remember that I work in the support department… I’m the guy that gets yelled at. When things get ugly, I get yelled at over and over and over and over. I’ve had times when I worked 10-12 hours a day for weeks on end, every day going home with almost nothing to show for my effort. But, after putting in the time and doing what needed to be done, by putting my head down and pushing through it… we worked it out. Software gets repaired and feelings are bandaged. Trust can be regained. Eventually, by staying the course… everyone is happy once again. And I take pride in that… that kind of strain and stress is hard… it’s very difficult to keep your head straight and keep the goal in sight, to hold your perspective and keep your cool on the phone with someone who is not happy. But I’ve done it, and I’m better for it, and I’m proud of it.

Lately I feel that way again, and I know that Rosie does, too. Except this fight is not just a week, or couple of weeks, and its not just for a letter grade in a class and its not just “my job.” This is our lives. We’re fighting to keep together everything we’ve gained so far. Rosie is fighting for her life, as are more of our relatives than I care to discuss. And this fight does not have a clear point on the horizon where we will be “done.” Cancer isn’t cured… it’s just kept at bay for as long as possible. My step-dad won’t un-die. My brother-in-law has years before he could possibly be totally back to normal, if its possible at all. And the stress and strain on Colleen will probably never be totally known.

So… how do we keep going? How do we keep pushing on when so much is going wrong?

I honestly don’t know. But we are. I don’t know any other options. Give up? What’s that like? We’ve always said that stubborn runs on both sides of our family. I’m beginning to think that’s a good thing. I think dumb, stubborn determinatioin is the only thing thats going to get us through this.

Well, and all the love and compassion from our friends, of course!

Author: rosie

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1 Comment

  1. hey i feel what you are going through. it seems to hit real close to home for me too. jc talked to colleen a little today about pawpaw. he shared some of his feelings about his grandpa and what he went through. colleen seems prepared. if you need anything, or your mom let me know. i am right here and i have been through this one. you have my thoughts and prayers not to mention care, concern and love. you take care of yourself, so you can help rosie and colleen. but don’t hesitate to ask me for anything!

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