It’s me again.

I have to be quick because I found out Tuesday that sitting at a computer for long is not good for me. I was at the computer for about 90 minutes that day and spent the rest of the day in hurtie world.

This sucks, by the way. It sucks on many levels.

The surgery went fine. The pain afterwards was actually much better than I had anticipated. My post-lumpectomy pain was about 100 times worse. I don’t think with that surgery they were anticipating the extent of it. Or they just suck, I’m not sure which. However, with the mastectomy last week, I wasn’t in any pain after. At moments, I was uncomfortable, but no pain. And I barfed, but what else is new.

They installed a pain pump in me during surgery. It’s this ball that hung around my neck and delivered a constant dose of pain medicine in two tiny tubes to the area. I think that helped a lot. In addition, I took some pain meds on Thursday and Friday; then went to just at night on Saturday and Sunday. On Monday, the pain pump seemed to be empty, so I requested to have it moved. A friend (who is going through chemo for breast cancer right now; she’s 33) took me to the doctor and they yanked it. So gross. So, so, so gross. I had no idea there was about a foot of those little tubes in me. The nurse said, “are you ready?” Me, in my blissful ignorance said, “sure.” Yank. Only, instead of the two inches I thought was in there, out comes 12 and I could feel them moving through me. YIKES.

I still have a drain, which collects fluid from the area and Rosie empties it four times a day. “Fluid” as in blood and other gooey stuff. I’m not sure what the clear stuff is. I’m sure there is a medical name for it. Gross is what I call it.

I’ll have this drain at least until Tuesday. Had hoped it would come out today, but it’s still draining too much.

Since Tuesday, I’ve been in more pain and I’m not sure why. Last night, I really was feeling it. The last two nights, I’ve had to take pain medicine again. Troy said in his post that I was overdoing it. However, I’ve been doing much less these last few days. Barely moving, to tell you the truth. So, I’m not sure why I’m more achy across my chest. I’m actually planning to call the plastic surgeon about it in just 45 minutes when they open. I’m hurting again this morning and the drain was a different level of grossness this morning.

I don’t have my pathology back from the surgery. I’ll let you know when I do.

I didn’t really choose to have a single mastectomy – I just didn’t hear back from insurance about whether they would cover the double. They don’t have to. It’s a law that they must pay for reconstruction on my “normal” breast to achieve as close of a match as possible. But that doesn’t mean a mastectomy. There is a difference. I’ll explain it sometime.

Insurance has something like 30 days to get back to me. I think their 30 days is up any minute now. I’m undecided about having a second surgery.

I hate being trapped in my house. I can’t drive and I hate it. I don’t think I can explain how much I hate it.

I need to go to Office-Depot-Max-Superstore (whatever the local one is called). I need to go to the grocery store. I need a no-whip-Grande-Cafe-Mocha.

I can’t do much. If I bend at the waist, I hurt myself. If I hold my arms out in front of me too long, I hurt. (Think: typing, dishwashing, picking up anything, scrapbooking, cooking, resting my arms on the table at dinner, driving, sewing rocking Halloween costumes … I could go on.) It doesn’t hurt much. Just enough to tell me I shouldn’t be doing it. And when I do it anyway – like the two times I drove for five minutes because I couldn’t freaking stand it anymore – I paid for it the rest of the day.

Do you know how helpless you are when you can’t drive in the suburbs? There is not one single place where I can walk if I wanted to. It’s at least three miles to the freaking gas station … with a nearby locally-owned no-whip-Grande-Cafe-Mocha place, so don’t think I haven’t been tempted. I can walk that far. Well, could, pre-surgery. Not sure how tired it would make me at the moment. The walk back might be a problem.

The South Loop of Chicago has never seemed so appealing. If I were there, I could walk to the library, restaurants (so, who would need the damn grocery store?), a grocery store (phooey), museums, movie theatres, clothing stores, pharmacies and my friend Christine’s house. I would love to just be around people.

I need visitors. And someone to bring me a no-whip-Grande-Cafe-Mocha.

Author: rosie

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  1. Damn! I’m so sorry I have a job ! I’d love to just drop everything and head on over with your no whip Cafe Grande mocha and my 6-month old son and just play for awhile. Maybe take you out for some fresh air and groceries, too. I was home- and couch-bound for 10 days with pre-term contractions when I was pregnant and nearly lost my mind. Hang in there, keep your arms down, etc. etc.


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  2. I swear, you and my dad seem like you are the only non-Chicagoans who see the redeeming values of living downtown Chicago. If you were here you could walk 1/2 block in any direction from my home to get your no-whip-Grande-Cafe-Mocha!! Poor girl.

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  3. Rose, I’m so glad you finally posted. I was tired of feeling guilty for not posting on YOUR blog. What’s more sad… not getting around to having my own blog or not getting around to posting on your wife’s blog while she’s recuperating from surgery?

    Sadly, I realize that me reading your blog today is actually the most you and I have communicated the last two weeks. sigh. But it’s nice to see your sense of humor made it intact through the surgery.

    Maybe I’ll go buy you a coffee tomorrow morning and we can get re-acquainted.


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  4. I sooo wish we lived closer. I’d be over there in a heartbeat!

    Whenever you feel up to a roadtrip you just let me know. It just takes a phone call saying “we’ll be there in 15 minutes” LOL!

    Lots of love and Hugs!!

    Jen D

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