Tough to see yourself in others
I’m having a tough time this week with some news that a friend is in the processing of being diagnosed with lung mets.
She was someone who I “went through” chemo with around the same time. Our chemo schedule and routine were similar, so we compared notes on all of the awful side effects, drugs, hair regrowth and all the fun stuff you get to think about when you go through that.
Her staging and tumor size were similar to mine. Our pathologies were different – she is a “triple negative,” where I’m ER+, PR+ and HER2-. Triple neg is seen as more aggressive because there are no hormonal treatments for it. I continue to take Tamoxifen and will for a total of five years as a way to keep those cancer cells down. Triple negs don’t get any additional treatment after chemo.
So, she’s about a year out from the start of chemo and now lung mets have appeared.
That means the cancer traveled, settled into her lungs and didn’t die when the chemo was in her. Stupid cancer.
It’s a reminder that I have this hanging over me. I so much just want to lead a happy, healthy life and make the most of the time I have. None of us know for sure what time we do have and we all should do that. But I know I’m at a big risk of being in Jayme’s position – within the next year or two, in fact, although the risk will actually continue to follow me around forever.
So, screw it. I just want to enjoy every day and be happy and grateful for it. I want peace in my life.
I want peace for Jayme, too. I want her to live a long life and manage this stupid disease while she does. She can do it. She is tough. So am I. We are tough ass women just fighting for something in the range of normal. Just within the range … the bottom end of the range would be fine.