A happy life
Does anyone remember how I’ve been having medication problems brought on by the cancer drug? I’ve been trying not to post about it because it the same old song and dance. Cancer drug (Tamoxifen) brought on depression because of the way it works in the body. So, then we had to start treating the depression and I’ve had one side effect after another with those drugs.
I was going to post to bring you up to date on that issue. Yesterday morning, I very nearly didn’t wake up (like for hours) due to a serious hangover effect from one of the drugs. I straightened out that issue with the psychiatrist over the phone yesterday and woke up much better today. Didn’t sleep great, but at least I can wake up and function today.
I was going to make a big long post and whine about these drugs. They suck. They are not helping the quality of my life right now.
Then, I read bad news about my online friend Jayme, who I posted about just recently. We had gone through chemo at the same time, so had bonded over it, and she has just been diagnosed with mets. Well, yesterday, she was having trouble breathing while shopping with her little boy and had to go to the hospital. She has developed pleural effusion (a side effect of lung mets) and had a partially collapsed lung. Today, she will have a thoracentesis.
She’s on a new chemo which will hopefully be kicking in soon and killing that damn cancer in her lungs.
So, of course, this is all just a reminder to me that my crap isn’t so bad. I mean, it’s no picnic, but so far I’m still in remission. If I have to struggle with the drug that’s helping to keep me there, so be it. It certainly won’t be giving me a collapsed lung or anything like that!
It’s also a reminder to appreciate everything good that I have. Life is short. I keep trying hard to have a normal life, forgetting that normal is never going to happen again. I’m missing a breast. I have an extraordinary number of doctor’s appointments. I (and my husband) have serious issues to work on in therapy. I have the constant threat of a recurrence hanging over me, including the possibility of mets.
However, I want to have a happy life and I certainly hope I can achieve that. I think I am in a lot of ways, but right now it feels like I’m taking five steps forward and four steps back. The progress is slow. I know several mets women who seem to have built really happy and fullfilling lives for themselves. They are inspiring to me. I want to be that way – enjoying life, living it to the fullest and just taking it one peaceful day at a time – whether I get to live cancer free until I’m 100 or not. Let’s hope I do. Hell, let’s make it cancer free to 110!