Well I’m not the world’s most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes
Well I almost fell for my Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
Lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
~ The Kinks, Lola

My friend Lola was diagnosed with mets yesterday.

Lola is known on my online community as the Tartan Terror. She’s from Scotland.

She is amazingly funny and foul-mouthed. We get along great.

I would say I know someone who gets diagnosed with mets about once a week. Most of the time, I have a very “damn the luck, but life goes on and you will fight, fight, fight” feel about it. I can see the news and move on, knowing I’ll be as supportive to that person as I can be within my limits. Not with Lola.

Lola was diagnosed about five months after me. Our stats are almost identical. She has the same disease I have. The same node status. The same size. The same hormone status. The same treatment.

She is just a couple of years older than me and has a daughter younger than mine.

And if there are mets growing in me the way they were in Lola, there is not a damn thing I can do about it. Not a damn thing.

They won’t even run tests until “other” symptoms show.

They won’t change medicines or look for another course of action until “other” symptoms show.

They won’t actually do anything until “other” symptoms show. There isn’t anything to do.

I sit here and wonder – is this pain in my forehead for the last three days cancer or just a sinus infection? Are the cramps I’m getting all over my body, even in my feet, a tumor disrupting my nervous system or maybe I’m just not getting enough water? And that shooting pain in the “good” breast, is it just from having too much caffeine or do I have more cancer there?

And so, I sit.

And I want the best for Lola.

And I want the best for me.

And I want even better for our daughters.

Author: rosie

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  1. (((HUGS))))

    i’m so sorry for you both. Saying prayers.

    Jen D

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  2. I worry about the same thing.. every headache and every tingly feeling in my fingers causes me to break out the Ativan .

    And, I hate that this is happening to Lola, our beloved tartan terror.

    It sucks.


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  3. I got this news via your blog, absolutely took my breath away.

    Megan (LaTwigg)

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  4. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. As a 2-time breast cancer survivor, I understand the crazy feelings when that happens to someone you know. You’re scared for her, but it brings out your own fear too. And I definitely hear you on the “every ache must be cancer” thing! It can absolutely take over your thoughts and make daily life miserable. But you know you can’t let it make you miserable because then the cancer wins. (A corny saying, I know.) I’m a kind-of cover-it-with-jokes person, which makes things more tolerable for me. It keeps me from thinking too much. I just appreciate that I’ve beat this stupid disease twice.

    And, to make a long comment even longer (sorry!)….I also hear your frustration about having to wait for something to happen before getting a scan. My onc is telling me the same thing about my followup treatment. I don’t want to sit around waiting for a symptom; I want action! So I’m doing the best I can through diet and exercise and “happy thoughts” to make my body as healthy as I can, at least what I can control. Not sure if that’s inspiring or not, but thought I’d share.

    Lola is very lucky to have the support of a friend like you. You’re both in my prayers, Katie

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