Lazy blog post #5928 – Random Things About Me from my Facebook page
1. I want a maid. I am always afraid when my house gets into the messy state it currently is in that I’m going to end up on an episode of Cops. The only thing missing is dirty diapers on the floor and neighbors screaming unintelligibly from an upstairs window next door.
2. Speaking of Jerry Springer, I really can’t believe he hasn’t called to have me on the show yet. I know I am just one paternity test away from being a featured guest.
3. My goal in life is to try to make people laugh so hard they spit out whatever beverage they are drinking, preferably onto the computer screen.
4. I love my dog – and please don’t tell him what I’m about to share with you – but when he dies, I am replacing him with a Lab.
5. I once went on 12 dates with 8 different men in one month. 11 of the dates went spectacularly well (which made the next month very challenging). The guy from the 12th date got banned from all future forms of communication with me.
6. I am one class away from a French major in college, so I ended up with a minor.
7. I am a journalism major.
8. I thought I was going to work for Cosmopolitan in France.
9. I stopped reading Cosmo long before I graduated from college.
10. Now, I claim to read the New Yorker because it makes me sound smart, but really I just leave issues that I get from my friend Christine lying around the house to impress people.
11. I can barely speak French.
12. However, I can pronounce things with a lovely French accent when I want to sound like a snob. (Yeah, that was totally worth 7 years of my life.)
13. I meant to have five children. I have one, so far, but time is running out. However, she is brilliant, beautiful and hysterically funny, so maybe she’s equivalent to five average kids.
14. I am laughing right now thinking about all of the people out there wondering if their five kids are average.
15. I used to say the only thing I was afraid of was railroad crossings. It is true – I freeze when I see a train coming, even if it’s 1/2 mile in the distance. However, now the idea of a joint checking account makes me hyperventilate. I think it is safe to say I will not be doing that with anyone at any point for the rest of this lifetime.
16. I used to be afraid of the dark, but I got over that when I was a camp counselor at Na Wa Kwa and found myself without a flashlight or a buddy and had to walk over a mile through the woods back to my unit – alone. And there were coyotes in them there woods. I sang camp songs under my breath the whole way.
17. Recently, I threw away and donated more than 40 pairs of shoes. The scary part is, I still have 21 pairs of shoes – and I want to scrap all of them and buy new ones.
18. My “most played songs” list on my iPod includes “Crazy Bitch” by Buck Cherry, “Closer to Fine” by the Indigo Girls, “Cowboy Take me Away” by the Dixie Chicks, “Bring me to Life” by Evanesance and “Low” by Flo Rida.
19. I have always had a bit of a potty mouth, but after I was diagnosed with cancer, I reached new levels of gratuitous cursing. I had not realized this until one day my co-worker said, “I know how cancer has changed you – it has made you cuss a lot more!” I think that is a funny side effect of cancer treatment, but I have tried to tone it down.
20. My boyfriend is 11 years younger than me, but I’m not even sure he realizes it. I wonder if that means I’m immature?
21. I never get tired of Italian food … or wine.
22. If you saw me on a dance floor, you would not believe that I work for nuns – and you might ask security to escort me out.
23. Secret confession time: when I am daydreaming, not only do I imagine myself as an author being interviewed on Oprah’s book club, but I also imagine making spoof music videos of myself to entertain all of my friends on YouTube.
24. I had never sung karaoke (well, except for one time when Lisa and I popped into a bar for a brief rendition of “Stand By Your Man”) until about 10 months ago. Now, I’ve sang all of the songs everyone in the bar can possibly stand to hear me sing.
25. I am very grateful for the life I have and I try to have fun every day of it!